Exclusive: Austrian Death Machine Frontman, Schwarzenator Guitarist Talk All Things Arnold

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Ever hear a comedian tell a joke you swear you’ve heard before? It happens all the time. Some comics crib from each other - with permission or not - and sometimes it’s just a merry coincidence that they stumbled upon the same bit.

Like, in an interview yours truly did late last year with Brian Posehn - the Paul Bunyan of alternative comedy - he revealed that he and his buddy Seth Rogen had both come up with jokes revolving around the same premise: “What if my dick could fart?”

Recently, the IndiePit Blog’s nose caught the scent of another funny coincidence - this one pertaining to music, though: There are at least two parody side projects in Southern California devoted to Arnold Schwarzenegger and featuring members of two really big heavy-metal bands.

For one, there’s Austrian Death Machine, led by Tim Lambesis of San Diego death-metallers As I Lay Dying - we’ve known about them since they formed last year. But recently (thanks to IndiePit’s Kristian Habenicht), we’ve also been introduced to Schwarzenator, of which Korn guitarist (and Berklee College of Music grad, ahem) Shane Gibson is a conspirator. As it turns out, the band we just found out about has been around for much longer than ADM.

We worried that we weren’t up to snuff on our SoCal metal till we discovered that Lambesis had also never heard of Schwarzenator, who are taking aim with their debut record this fall. (ADM’s second album, Double Brutal - featuring songs like “See You at the Party Richter”; “I Need Your Clothes, Your Boots and Your Motorcycle”; and “Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies?” - is due this fall on Metal Blade.)

That all changed when the IndiePit Blog introduced the two black-clad berserkers last week via a conference call. Over the course of 30 minutes or so, they got to know each other and agreed that, in their book, Arnie can do no wrong.

On the one hand, in the metal sphere, As I Lay Dying’s Lambesis and Korn’s Gibson are about as opposite as Arnold and Danny DeVito. But just like those Twins, we’ve discovered they might be long-lost brothers - as if it were stitched into their DNA, they’re in on the same joke.

Tim Lambesis

Hey guys, thanks for chatting up the IndiePit Blog about your bizarrely kindred side projects. How do you feel about having similar parody bands in the same genre - and in the same region?

Tim Lambesis: I found out about it when I got the e-mail from the record label [about this interview]. To me, I think it’s great. There’s other bands in the “celebrity-metal” genre that have been mad at me for starting another Schwarzenegger band. But I feel like the celebrity-metal genre isn’t a genre unless there are a handful of bands to make it great.

Shane Gibson: Yeah, there are others too, like ArnoCorps. We were doing it as a hobby, it was hilarious, then we found out about Austrian Death Machine too. But instead of being hateful, we feel like it’s more of an alliance.

TL: I also found out there’s a death-metal band called Goretorture, and they’re as brutal as you can possibly be. All their lyrics are about Arnold. One of their songs is called “Cannibal Commando.”

Have any of the fans of your principal bands criticized you for these less serious projects?

TL: They appreciate seeing a different side of what I do. As I Lay Dying is very serious … I’m not the most balanced individual, but it’s nice to show somebody else there are at least two sides to me.

SG: Criticism about doing something that’s fun, if anyone does, we don’t really focus on it. We’re having a blast. All this stuff is so fun to do.

And you’re obviously not devoting as much time to these affairs as you do your main ones.

TL: When you do something like this and you make a huge promotion out of it, it’s weird - “I thought you were doing it for fun.” I want it to be natural. It’s a fine line: With the last album, we just kinda released it, and I was a little bit cheap on the promotional side of it, ’cause I didn’t want to spend a lot of my money running ads. I’ll let it grow naturally.

SG: We promoted on MySpace and Facebook, that kind of stuff. We don’t want to promote too much, since [the album's] not out yet. But we have trailers.

So guys, let’s cut to the chase: What is it about Arnold?

SG: Arnold is the most amazing species of people on the face of the earth. We got started in 2001, we had - at Berklee - whenever we’d get bored, we’d always have Arnold movie parties, watching them and drinking beers. Finally, we were just like, “Let’s make a band.” For me and my friends, that’s what we were into - doing metal stuff - so we just took Arnold movies and put them to music.

TL: He’s the embodiment of everything that’s stereotypical in metal. He’s massive. He blows things up. He’s the guy who kills 22 people in the final scenes of his movies. [Metal] bands that are serious write lyrics about that. At first, I thought it’d be confusing to the audience, because death-metal bands are living their own action-movie fantasy, but apparently people saw it as lighthearted. [When I got started,] I wrote down just off the top of my head - I’m not kidding - eight albums’ worth of material.

SG: Plus he has the best puns, the best one-liners, ever.

TL: [The best one is] “Who’s your daddy and what do you do?” if you’re asking a question. But if you’re making a statement, I’m not sure.

Tim, you quote him directly in your songs. Do you sit around watching his movies all the time?

TL: Certain ones I rewatch more than others. As funny as some parts of “Jingle All the Way” are, I’ve only watched it twice. I just can’t watch it anymore. But I could watch “Total Recall” every weekend.

SG: Me and my friends will throw in “Total Recall” or any “Conan” movie. As far as the writing process, we’ll watch a movie, pause every now and then for good quotes, and we’ll use the lines to manipulate the songs. I’m always up for a few beers and watching Arnold movies.

TL: I have no shame, I use the exact quotes. It’s just me that writes the stuff, and I record all the versions of everything, and through studio trickery, it makes me sound amazing. I’ll write an idea around the guitar and start tracking everything immediately. As soon as I feel the song is three-quarters done, I feel like it’s about right.

I’m noticing that neither of you sound like Arnold.

TL: I tried to do his voice [for the ADM recordings]. My other guitar player is probably the best at it. His name is Josh Thompson, but he goes by “Fake Arnold.” [Thompson also does his Arnie impression on "The Howard Stern Show."]

SG: I tried but couldn’t pull it off.

Tim, how did you find Josh?

TL: I was just being a nerd one day, hanging out looking at videos online, and he was by far my favorite.

And didn’t you stage a contest, asking fans to submit videos of them impersonating Arnold?

TL: Yeah. There’s some super-talented guys that submitted content. I wanted to do this skit on the new CD where it’s Arnold getting mad and arguing with the guy who won the contest.

Do you guys see eye to eye with Arnold politically? Do you approve of his job performance as governor of California?

TL: Our kids might not be educated, but at least we’re proud of being friends with Arnold.

SG: We don’t do [Schwarzenator] because of any political ideas, because we try not to get that stuff in the music. But otherwise … he came from Austria, came to America, became one of the biggest acts in the world on TV and the movies, and also [became] the Governator. …

TL: I’m not so much political. The only political coverage I’d want to get to see is for the puns. I think a lot of his political statements are unintentionally funny.

SG: Especially when he says, “Cali-for-ni-a.”

TL: His one-liners are like an ingredient than you need to mix into a recipe.